This conversation occurred in the car, in Guelph, driving past Mr. C's elementary school.
Mr C: "Look, Big Sis, this is where Daddy went to school!"
Big Sis: "I will go to V.M. Public School!"
Us: "That's right, you will!"
Big Sis: "Where will Little Sis go?"
Mr. C: "She'll go to V.M. Public School, too. You'll be at the same school, but in different classes, just like now when you go to preschool and she goes to nursery school."
Big Sis: "Maybe when we're at the same school, we can be friends!"
Mr. C: "Sure, you can be. But you know what? You can be friends right now, too! You don't have to wait until you're at school together to be friends."
Big Sis: "Well... noooo.... I think I want to wait. I don't want to be friends right now. I just want to be sisters."
Saturday, April 17, 2010
The Bad Mommy/Sane Adult conundrum
This past week, I was visiting my parents with the girls, while Mr. C was in Calgary at a work conference. I love visiting my parents, and I love how much my parents love it when I come with the girls to visit, so it works out well! There is always some time for myself, there are many fun things to do with Mum and the girls, and I get to have real, adult conversations with my parents in the evenings, over cocktails and dinner. That last part sounds especially good, doesn't it? I think so, too...! I'll let you know if it ever actually happens that way! We TRY to have real conversations and nice dinners, and often have some success, but even with the best-laid plans, of course, things will never go the way you wish they would!
This visit, Mum and I decided that we would feed the girls earlier (i.e. their normal time, as in my parents' house, dinner is almost always after 7:00pm). I would then bathe them and get them ready for bed, and they could watch tv as a treat while the adults ate. That way, the routine would stay consistent and I could have nice relaxing dinners with my parents.
The first night went fairly well; Mr. C was also there so we could tag-team like we usually do for the bedtime routines.
The next night, we did things exactly the same way. Feed girls, bathe girls, settle girls in front of the tv on the "big comfy couch," and chat around them until dinner. Of course, dinner was ready at exactly the time the melt-downs began. So the nice, calm, grown-up dinner was traded for whiny, crying, clingy children and me deciding I needed to put them to bed and then come back to the table. Once I managed to get them into our room, Big Sis did really well and got right into her bed. Little Sis was marginally calm as long as I was holding her, but of course started screaming like her hair was on fire as soon as I tried to put her into the crib. I tried everything and then put her down, apologized to Big Sis for Little Sis' crying, promised I'd come back after dinner, and left.
Back downstairs, my parents were great, supportive, saying, just leave them for a few minutes, it's ok, you need to eat, I'll go up soon so you can finish dinner, etc. And I know they were right. Because I did need to eat dinner. I was hungry, tired and disappointed in how the evening had gone, and it was late, and Little Sis needs to be able to self-soothe, and fall asleep without me having to be there (which she could do perfectly as a baby, and now as a toddler she seems to have forgotten she ever fell asleep without sleeping on me!)...
And still, I felt like the worst, smallest, meanest, coldest mother in the world. Eating my dinner, my favourite meal to have at my parents', listening to Little Sis cry and scream and wail, and I might as well have been eating cardboard with a sign around my neck that said "neglectful! shame! BAD mother!!" A no-win situation. And she did stop crying, eventually, what felt like hours later but was really before dessert, and in the morning she was as happy as a clam, with her usual sunny disposition (and love for me) intact.
But it was just another situation, one of many, that we all encounter and that leave us feeling like we have to choose - are we going to be a "good mother" or are we going to stay sane? Why do we feel like they're mutually exclusive?
This visit, Mum and I decided that we would feed the girls earlier (i.e. their normal time, as in my parents' house, dinner is almost always after 7:00pm). I would then bathe them and get them ready for bed, and they could watch tv as a treat while the adults ate. That way, the routine would stay consistent and I could have nice relaxing dinners with my parents.
The first night went fairly well; Mr. C was also there so we could tag-team like we usually do for the bedtime routines.
The next night, we did things exactly the same way. Feed girls, bathe girls, settle girls in front of the tv on the "big comfy couch," and chat around them until dinner. Of course, dinner was ready at exactly the time the melt-downs began. So the nice, calm, grown-up dinner was traded for whiny, crying, clingy children and me deciding I needed to put them to bed and then come back to the table. Once I managed to get them into our room, Big Sis did really well and got right into her bed. Little Sis was marginally calm as long as I was holding her, but of course started screaming like her hair was on fire as soon as I tried to put her into the crib. I tried everything and then put her down, apologized to Big Sis for Little Sis' crying, promised I'd come back after dinner, and left.
Back downstairs, my parents were great, supportive, saying, just leave them for a few minutes, it's ok, you need to eat, I'll go up soon so you can finish dinner, etc. And I know they were right. Because I did need to eat dinner. I was hungry, tired and disappointed in how the evening had gone, and it was late, and Little Sis needs to be able to self-soothe, and fall asleep without me having to be there (which she could do perfectly as a baby, and now as a toddler she seems to have forgotten she ever fell asleep without sleeping on me!)...
And still, I felt like the worst, smallest, meanest, coldest mother in the world. Eating my dinner, my favourite meal to have at my parents', listening to Little Sis cry and scream and wail, and I might as well have been eating cardboard with a sign around my neck that said "neglectful! shame! BAD mother!!" A no-win situation. And she did stop crying, eventually, what felt like hours later but was really before dessert, and in the morning she was as happy as a clam, with her usual sunny disposition (and love for me) intact.
But it was just another situation, one of many, that we all encounter and that leave us feeling like we have to choose - are we going to be a "good mother" or are we going to stay sane? Why do we feel like they're mutually exclusive?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Time to myself...
Some days, I am amazed at what I will do in order to carve out a few minutes to myself.
Today, for instance, after spending the day with the girls, and in between cooking dinner and eating it, I found myself in the (unfinished) basement, with my shirt in my hands, pre-treating the tiny spots of olive oil that had splattered onto it while I was cooking. And I was actually whistling. That's right - whistling. In the cold, dim, unfinished basement, wearing no shirt, rubbing stain-remover into fabric, and thinking, yeah, this isn't so bad! I'd better be careful, or soon I'll be doing my own ironing instead of giving my (two) shirts that need to be ironed to Mr. C, who does a much better job than I do!
Other highlights from today included a trip to BouClair to look for curtains. Trying to cut short the usual complaints of "I don't want to go out," "I'm tired," "I don't feel well" from Big Sis, I spent the 20 minutes leading up to getting out of the house, and the six minute car ride, playing "what rhymes with BouClair?" Try it - you'll be surprised how entertaining this is. Or at least, how well it passes the time for six minutes in the car... Our favourites were "blue hair" (nope, nobody with blue hair at BouClair while we were there, sadly); "Shoo, Bear!" (no bears either - probably a good thing); and "you, there!" (which made Little Sis laugh hysterically.) See how valuable that Improv class I took in university turned out to be?
Today, for instance, after spending the day with the girls, and in between cooking dinner and eating it, I found myself in the (unfinished) basement, with my shirt in my hands, pre-treating the tiny spots of olive oil that had splattered onto it while I was cooking. And I was actually whistling. That's right - whistling. In the cold, dim, unfinished basement, wearing no shirt, rubbing stain-remover into fabric, and thinking, yeah, this isn't so bad! I'd better be careful, or soon I'll be doing my own ironing instead of giving my (two) shirts that need to be ironed to Mr. C, who does a much better job than I do!
Other highlights from today included a trip to BouClair to look for curtains. Trying to cut short the usual complaints of "I don't want to go out," "I'm tired," "I don't feel well" from Big Sis, I spent the 20 minutes leading up to getting out of the house, and the six minute car ride, playing "what rhymes with BouClair?" Try it - you'll be surprised how entertaining this is. Or at least, how well it passes the time for six minutes in the car... Our favourites were "blue hair" (nope, nobody with blue hair at BouClair while we were there, sadly); "Shoo, Bear!" (no bears either - probably a good thing); and "you, there!" (which made Little Sis laugh hysterically.) See how valuable that Improv class I took in university turned out to be?
Another Mummy blog...
I'm about to add to the millions of mummy blogs out there in cyberspace! Two friends suggested I start a blog a couple of weeks ago, and although I dismissed the idea at the time, it has grown on me. Mostly, it's because it seems a little healthier than just ranting to myself! I'm not planning on writing a thesis about what it's like being a stay-at-home mum, but every now and again, it will be nice to share the trials, tribulations, and humour with someone, even if that someone is only the two aforementioned friends! :) So here we go...
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