Things I Swore I'd Never Say/Do

Before becoming a parent, I had a laundry list of things I vowed I'd never say, or do, once I had kids. I find myself breaking these vows on an almost daily basis. Herein, a sample - I am well on my way to becoming a walking, talking stereotype of motherhood:

1. Talking about myself in the third person. "No, Little Sis, MUMMY is holding the cup/ toothpaste/giant stuffed kangaroo. Yes, it IS time for bed. Big Sis is in her bed, Mummy is getting into her... er, my... um, Mummy and Daddy's bed..." Excellent grammar instruction, don't you think?

2. Eat what my children reject. "No, that broccoli is for you. Just try it... Ok, just leave it on your plate. No, Mummy doesn't want it. No, thank you... It's - ." Pursed lips are no match for a determined toddler who is intent on sharing!

3. Lick my finger or thumb and then wipe off my child's face. But, really, the alternative of cereal bar filling all around their lips is just not any better! And it's just so handy when the wipes are out of reach...

4. Say no without a reason. Especially once Big Sis was into the defiant, 2 1/2 year old stage, that one flew out the window in a hurry. "No, because I'm telling you, that's why!" "Because I said so!" "Because I'm the one in charge!" (is this to remind her, or me?) "That's just the way it is!" "Because it is!" And the list goes on...

5. Have discussions in public places about bodily functions - with my children or otherwise! But then, how do you stop a three-year-old from narrating what is happening in your public bathroom stall? Or pointing out what someone else is doing?? Sometimes, it's just not possible. And when your life revolves around diapering, potty training, teaching proper words for body parts and functions, sometimes stories and anecdotes seem to tell themselves, regardless of how appropriate (or not!) they might be in a given situation... (and regardless of how much you wish you could erase what you just said, after the fact!).

6. Yell. This one was really hard - I did so well, for so long, and then one day, the frustration, exhaustion, sibling rivalry, and defiance, just all became too much. And it happened. And then it happened again. And it doesn't happen often, but sometimes, raising my voice is the only recourse left. And then I think, what did I know about parenting before I had kids, anyway?! And the next time I use my finger as a washcloth, or say that "I am the boss!", I laugh at myself and think, I guess there's a reason that stereotypes exist - because often, they're true anyway. And it makes me feel better to know that thousands of other mothers are out there somewhere, doing the same things that they swore they'd never do, with their own kids.